It’s so easy to fall into a pattern of over apologizing.  As I think about it, for me, this habit developed from years and years of consumer facing customer service jobs.  It was part of the process to deescalate the problem.  You apologize- deescalate the issue, then solve the problem.  Well what happens when you move on in your career? or move on in life?  You apologize, yes?

“I’m sorry babe, I should have been more understanding”

“I’m sorry to catch you off guard but……..”

“Please forgive me but….”

Here I am 4 years into my dream professional career and well into my 30’s and I still apologize. *Insert eye roll*  Sometimes I don’t even think about it, it just comes out.

Well this week I’ve found myself in two situations at work where I had to speak to someone about behavior that was unacceptable to me.  In these instances I was too upset to apologize, but afterwards I felt bad.  I immediately wanted to go back and apologize.

In that moment I had to stop and reassure myself, it’s ok to feel the way I felt.  It was a legitimate issue and I have the right to speak up for myself.  Guess what?… Not 1 apology was given!

not-sorry

This experience made me consider my personal relationships as well.  The freedom from speaking my piece and not apologizing is refreshing.  I’m excited to say, after a lifetime of apologizing to defuse the situation, apologizing to be polite, and apologizing to soften the blow…. I’m done over apologizing.

 

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