In my early 20’s I learned I had the BIG “F”… FIBROIDS.  My plan was to wait until after I had kids to entertain any type of surgical procedures.  I didn’t want anyone messing with my uterus before then.

Days after my 34th birthday I was told my fibroids were humungous AF, and they (plural) are causing issues with my bladder and kidneys.  Surgery is the only option.  Not the cute robotic noninvasive procedure either.  I will require a complete vertical incision from the sternum all the way down, because I have that many fibroids…..  Here’s the kicker, I will go in expecting to have a myomectomy but could potentially receive a hysterectomy -because they are THAT big and it’s THAT many.  How am I supposed to deal with this?  This sucks in so many ways.

Sometimes when my armor slips off I find myself wondering what I did wrong.  Like which seeds I sowed to reap this particular harvest?  How long will this last? and WHAT?!?!, pray tell is on the other side?

I think of the relationships I should have let go of and scenarios I should have walked away from and wonder “what if”?  Like what was behind door number 2?

I found myself upset with someone that I trusted and called friend when he was actually just selfishly taking, and not my friend.  However, I have the pleasure of knowing that I did officially tell that person the nature of our “ship” has changed. I’ve moved on.

This is probably one of the most personal & authentic posts I’ve ever written.

I’m in the eye of a drastic life changing storm and it’s A LOT!!  I’m not sure where to go from here.  All the “when I grow up” dreams I’ve had for as long as I can remember have been stolen from me, by something I have absolutely no control over.  I’m eff’ing ANGRY!!!

I’m sad to say I’m not so super any more…

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